WHO AM I?

i had a smoke in the car on my way home. i seem to be breakin all the rules that i so rigidly lived by. they all seemed so important at one point but when? - i don't remember, and why? - who knows. the lost time is blatant now, my life is coming into focus or rather blurring. no more obsessing over the point and making it all make sense. it's no longer needing, or supposed to - it's only want and it's whatever i want. no guilt, no apologies. it's just me and just now and shit is tomorrow and everyday after gonna be fuckin great!

baby steps - just lots of 'em. i can still smell the tension all over me, i'm fluttering and something in me is still dancing. they made me feel gorgeous tonight - it didn't take much and i'm thankful for that but i still find myself wishing that i could see what they see. or do they really? no. the time for analysis is past and for later - much later. for now, i don't feel dirty any more and i'm ok with that.
i'm ok.