EXHALE...
i feel like i've been given a gift.
it turns out my dad's tumor is dormant. it'll be 3 months before he has to go in for another scan.
i've been given time to find the all the words i need him to hear and to harness the strength i need to speak them. i had dinner with him tonight and he seemed in good spirits and carefree. he's smiling and steppin lighter now that the doom & gloom has been lifted.
part of me still wants to cry, still wants to hurt just to make sure that i don't forget what was at stake. to ensure that i make good use of the gift and not to squander it on i'll-get-to-tomorrow sentiments.
i'm still ur little girl - ur lucky star. maybe that's all i'll ever need to be. i could never be ur son, ur hope. maybe it's time i stop, we both stop, pretending that i can make it all up to u. i don't think u could ever understand the woman i've become and somehow, i think all u want is ur bright-eyed girl with the bouncy pigtails that used to pretend to fall asleep just so u'd carry me back to bed.
i was holding my breath, hopin for more time. now i have it and the fear is settin in all over again. the doubt weighs heavily on my heart, i'm afraid and small. am i gonna be enough?
it turns out my dad's tumor is dormant. it'll be 3 months before he has to go in for another scan.
i've been given time to find the all the words i need him to hear and to harness the strength i need to speak them. i had dinner with him tonight and he seemed in good spirits and carefree. he's smiling and steppin lighter now that the doom & gloom has been lifted.
part of me still wants to cry, still wants to hurt just to make sure that i don't forget what was at stake. to ensure that i make good use of the gift and not to squander it on i'll-get-to-tomorrow sentiments.
i'm still ur little girl - ur lucky star. maybe that's all i'll ever need to be. i could never be ur son, ur hope. maybe it's time i stop, we both stop, pretending that i can make it all up to u. i don't think u could ever understand the woman i've become and somehow, i think all u want is ur bright-eyed girl with the bouncy pigtails that used to pretend to fall asleep just so u'd carry me back to bed.
i was holding my breath, hopin for more time. now i have it and the fear is settin in all over again. the doubt weighs heavily on my heart, i'm afraid and small. am i gonna be enough?
posted by tunabelly at 10:16 p.m.
2 Comments:
Congratulations on the good news. In essence, that is what it is, right?
-jaded
it's great news. i was just kinda emotional when i wrote this. i'm really happy 'bout it all, there's just a bunch of crap i'm still pretty worried about. it's been a while since i've been able to relax around my dad. at least we're laughin again ;0p my dad's really cute when he laughs!
Post a Comment
<< Home