BABBLES

i can't sleep. i need to sleep.

as i was leaving for work this morning my necklace fell off, as it sometimes does. i assumed the clasp had come undone but when i went to put it back on i realized that one of the links had snapped. i tried puttin it back on anyway and when i couldn't, i realized i was broken too.

it's been with me for over 13 years, the one peice of jewlery i ever wore.

the time from receiving till now seemed to materialize and turn to sand slippin through the cracks of those walls i've put up to protect - no - to enshrine the memory from where the necklace first came.

i wanted to cry.

everything around me is coming unhinged. it's all wrong and i want to surrender into the familiar bend of the fetal position, set the clocks backwards till i am nothing again.

but i know i can't so i put the necklace away, went to work feeling more naked than i ever have and set my mind to fixing the life slippin away from me. it's quite the amazing life at times, i'm not ready to give it up just quite yet.

now if i could just find the balls to do what needs to be done.

i will not make rash decisions.

i will not violently hurt co-workers.

i will, however, continue to make fun of them and picture them all pickled in little jars of mucous coloured goop.