BABBLES
life has been so hectic but so fulfilling lately.
i've been feelin sorta blue, distant from the ones i love the most and lonely. is it greedy to want everything? my life kinda kicks ass when i really think about it. my career is flourishing, i'm in serious flirt-flirt-back holding pattern with salsa guy, i dance 3 or 4 times a week, my family is healing, and yet i've been mopin around for days. what's wrong with me?
maybe i can chalk it up to some bad weather, a bug. i dunno. i feel like i'm lookin for something and if i look hard enough it'll be there. but how do u look harder when u don't know what ur lookin for? if yer just tossin things around lookin for nothing in particular, aren't u just makin a mess?
i went out lookin for some trouble last night. none was to be found but the potential was congesting. i'm off my game or just tired of it. it doesn't seem to have the same allure as it did last summer. i gotta say tho - what little action i get is fuckin hot! but it's feelin a little empty, lackin in follow thru. what do i want?
part of me desperately misses being in a relationship, comin home to someone. but in hind sight, i don't think i've ever been a healthy relationship, one where i didn't eventually dread coming home. could i really miss that? part of me is still enjoying the single life. i'm not bad company when it comes down to it and i've really liked being myself - well...for the most part.
i've been trying to contact some old friends, some people that meant the world to me. ppl that loved me so much they chose to shun me rather than watch me hurt myself. they don't seem to want to be found or they've forgotten who i am and how diligently i can set change into motion when i feel like it. i'm finally doin it all right and they don't care to know or have just stopped caring. someone asked why i was bothering. i do cuz i'm me. that's what i do. it's always been important to me make amends with everyone i've ever wronged, hurt. i've randomly sought out people from high school that i was less than nice to, ex boyfriends that left on sour notes, people that've misunderstood me, that i've misunderstood, family. i've worked my down my list and can be cleansed and start over. and yet the people who taught me the need for this can't find it in themselves to hear me out.
is it possible to truly start over from a clean slate?
i've been feelin sorta blue, distant from the ones i love the most and lonely. is it greedy to want everything? my life kinda kicks ass when i really think about it. my career is flourishing, i'm in serious flirt-flirt-back holding pattern with salsa guy, i dance 3 or 4 times a week, my family is healing, and yet i've been mopin around for days. what's wrong with me?
maybe i can chalk it up to some bad weather, a bug. i dunno. i feel like i'm lookin for something and if i look hard enough it'll be there. but how do u look harder when u don't know what ur lookin for? if yer just tossin things around lookin for nothing in particular, aren't u just makin a mess?
i went out lookin for some trouble last night. none was to be found but the potential was congesting. i'm off my game or just tired of it. it doesn't seem to have the same allure as it did last summer. i gotta say tho - what little action i get is fuckin hot! but it's feelin a little empty, lackin in follow thru. what do i want?
part of me desperately misses being in a relationship, comin home to someone. but in hind sight, i don't think i've ever been a healthy relationship, one where i didn't eventually dread coming home. could i really miss that? part of me is still enjoying the single life. i'm not bad company when it comes down to it and i've really liked being myself - well...for the most part.
i've been trying to contact some old friends, some people that meant the world to me. ppl that loved me so much they chose to shun me rather than watch me hurt myself. they don't seem to want to be found or they've forgotten who i am and how diligently i can set change into motion when i feel like it. i'm finally doin it all right and they don't care to know or have just stopped caring. someone asked why i was bothering. i do cuz i'm me. that's what i do. it's always been important to me make amends with everyone i've ever wronged, hurt. i've randomly sought out people from high school that i was less than nice to, ex boyfriends that left on sour notes, people that've misunderstood me, that i've misunderstood, family. i've worked my down my list and can be cleansed and start over. and yet the people who taught me the need for this can't find it in themselves to hear me out.
is it possible to truly start over from a clean slate?
posted by tunabelly at 2:12 a.m.
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