BLARGH

i've been really down and kinda cranky lately. i'm trying to quit smoking again. what is this - the 4th or 5th time? it's beginning to feel pathetic. there wasn't so much planning this time, just blind determination. i'm 2 days without a smoke yet i still have half a pack left. part of me wants to toss 'em to squash any temptation but i'm afraid - what if i need 'em? i'm not feelin so confident this time and that makes me think it's a bad idea to try now.

i've been feeling really lonely again. i want company, someone to talk to but i'm not very pleasant to be around at the moment - i'm too tense. it only gets lonelier. i guess it's that time of the year. the weather turns to shit, the gloom seems endless and christmas taunts me from around the corner. maybe it won't be so bad this year...

i hate being sad about christmas. i hate having no where to go and no one to celebrate with.

dance classes are closing down for the holidays. what the hell am i gonna do with myself?

work will be potentially busy since someone just quit but potentially stressful since new hires always seem to make me hemorrhage from the ears.

where has the year gone and how the hell am i gonna get thru the rest of it?