MAYBE HATE'S TOO STRONG A WORD

i woke up too early. i had to coax myself back to sleep. i hung in the void between waking and not. that place where i always seem to find u, angry and self righteous - i think u called it disappointment. i call it guilt.

i can't believe after all this time i still wake to ur very own special kinda hurt. it's too real, too harsh. ur voice more real than anthing i have to wrap my head up, to blot out the pain and ward away the hurt.

i yell back. i want to hit something - hard. i'm so angry that ur not there. i'm so angry i was never smart enough or articulate enough to make u listen. i hate u for never understanding what about u hurt so much and i'm angry that u never ever will.

isn't it royal that i never hated before u taught me how?