PISS IN MY CHOCO BASKET
every year i buy a xmas gift for everyone in the office, all the production accountants and even david's little girl. this year, due to time constraints and a general sense of defeat, i gave up. all that effort, wasted. this year, i bought one thoughtless chocolate basket and dumped in the middle of the office for everyone to pick at. no fuss, no muss. and even those of us whose religion turns us away from celebrating xmas can get sick off of eating too much chocolate before lunch.
michelle, after stuffing her face, hollers out across the office - "wow, u must be the wealthiest out of all of us here." now why the fuck would she feel the need to go and cheapen this! i feel so shitty i wanna cry. i don't do this cuz i have money to spare - i do it cuz i want to, and obviously, for no apparent reason. i wanted to tell her off. why would she take somethin good i've done, somethin that no one else in office does and cheapen it by insinuating that i must be the only one here that can afford to do such things? i don't do it for monetary reasons, it's not like i get a fuckin tax credit on this or anything. i bring in treats & goodies every fuckin week, all year round - it's just what i do. why, why, why would she be so mean about it?!?!?!!?
i ended up just responding "not at all." i was burning to point out that i'm just the least cheap but that's not really fair to the others in the office. everybody else actually brings goodies in and buys me lunch every now and then to make up for it. in short - everyone else has become a little more generous, a little more communal since my coming here. everyone except for michelle. last year, she was my secret santa. we had a $ 20 cap on the gifts and everyone spent at least that much. again, tho - everyone but michelle. she gave me one of those cheap day planners with the plastic covers and 3 days to a page type deal. it was also for the year that was just ending to boot! she said, "there's a picture of a cat on it, i know how much u like cats."
people suck. she sucks. i shoulda bought her a chocolate cock cuz she sucks sucks sucks. i feel shitty. i wanna cry.
michelle, after stuffing her face, hollers out across the office - "wow, u must be the wealthiest out of all of us here." now why the fuck would she feel the need to go and cheapen this! i feel so shitty i wanna cry. i don't do this cuz i have money to spare - i do it cuz i want to, and obviously, for no apparent reason. i wanted to tell her off. why would she take somethin good i've done, somethin that no one else in office does and cheapen it by insinuating that i must be the only one here that can afford to do such things? i don't do it for monetary reasons, it's not like i get a fuckin tax credit on this or anything. i bring in treats & goodies every fuckin week, all year round - it's just what i do. why, why, why would she be so mean about it?!?!?!!?
i ended up just responding "not at all." i was burning to point out that i'm just the least cheap but that's not really fair to the others in the office. everybody else actually brings goodies in and buys me lunch every now and then to make up for it. in short - everyone else has become a little more generous, a little more communal since my coming here. everyone except for michelle. last year, she was my secret santa. we had a $ 20 cap on the gifts and everyone spent at least that much. again, tho - everyone but michelle. she gave me one of those cheap day planners with the plastic covers and 3 days to a page type deal. it was also for the year that was just ending to boot! she said, "there's a picture of a cat on it, i know how much u like cats."
people suck. she sucks. i shoulda bought her a chocolate cock cuz she sucks sucks sucks. i feel shitty. i wanna cry.
posted by tunabelly at 1:38 p.m.
9 Comments:
I find that "why would you say such a hurtful thing?" is good for this kind - or any situation!
- Toren
You could also try: "I smell Poo. Oh. That's you." See, it even rhymes. Reverting to childish insults is undoubtedly my forte.
Voodoo dolls are another option.
I would've said, "Yes, I'm rich! Rich with the spirit of Christmas that is!" and then put on some Kylie and dance around the office doing my Big K moves!
I can't believe she got you a day planner for the year that was ENDING. Who does that!!?!?
oh, that was me posting btw. As if the Kylie didn't give it away.
-jaded
Hey punk! Are you still hungover?
Merry Christmas!
-Jo
I'm running off with the circus again in a couple of days. Coffee before I go?
-Jeff
toren, good suggestion and i'm sure it'll come in handy in most cases but i think this gal is too dense to understand why i'm hurt by her comments.
janet, voodoo for the doodoo!
jo - yesh, shtill feelin hun ober. don't ever let me do that again!
jeff - call me! call me! call me! will make time if it kills me!
jaded, she stomped the xmas spirit right out of me, even kylie couldn't cheer me up.
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