BABBLES

if i could love you, i would.

if i could let him love me, i would.

i'm stuck between a cotton ball and a soft place.

it's called commitment issue-ville. welcome.

i've also been in denial - nice place. ever been?

so how does this work? how do you make one foot step in front of the other and then repeat. heck - fuck repeating, i'd settle for not leaping back three steps every time i've made one. how do you take a step and make it stick? is it my ever-so stylish boots?

moving on. how's it work? do we ever really? so much everything changes, so much they stay the same - only, the baggage gets heavier to burden.

i'm speaking in cliches again but it can't be helped. the whole situation is tacky and overdone. it's a post-modern world. contentment is passe. we've all been told that ultimate happiness is attainable. no one settles any more. we're all better and deserve better. it's the holy grail and we are all the monty python.

J, thank you for making hockey make sense. i've got so much to say to you but not the balls to do it. i would love you if i could.

A, thank you for calling the wrong number every now and then. i've got so much to say to you but the fear is crippling. i would let you love me if i could.

it's time to move on - for all of us. i've been in a holding pattern for years. i'm tired and spent. i can't keep chasing old dreams. they only become worn and tatterred.

who am i, anyway, to command such attention? i'm undeserving. i've tricked you to believe i'm someone else. someone you could love. i lack the conviction.

i'm no longer a dreamer. i'm not longer a writer or a poet. i'm no longer wanting.

G, thank you for just being you. there's nothing else to say and for that, i am grateful. we don't love each other.

i'm standing still.

thank you for letting me do that.