BABBLES
Day 1: quitting smoking again
target quit date - 2 weeks from today
8 smokes today, 1 more before bed
i've been moody lately. i've been feelin like life is ok but my head is spinnin from exessive processing. i haven't been able to sleep. i'm not quite depressed but slippin into somethin a little darker, a little more alone space needed - this has never been a good sign - but things change, we'll see...
my dad got hit by a car a coupla days ago. he's ok but i can't seem to quell this naggin feelin of impending doom. too much...poor dad. this has caused abnormal chains of communication between my brother and myself. i almost feel like i have a brother again. it's strange and it puts me on gaurd. there r things too close to heart and too painful to recount in such an impersonal and public forum that i can never forgive him for. but times like these, when i feel myself slippin, when i almost trust him again, scare the shit outta me.
*quivers*
i went to see my dad the next day - he was happy to see me and he showed me his stitches - he kinda grinned and said much like a kie "i broke my head" (it was really cute in chinese). my mom told me that he was really grumpy till i went to see him. pressure. i feel like i don't go see him enough. i feel like a shit.
mental note: be better
yet another receptionist has started at my work. she's 22. i suddenly feel very old and freakishly reminded of how timid i was at 22 and starting my first office job. boy, have things ever changed...i'm a better person.
it's one of those nights, i need to curl up with me kitties and listen to songs that make me wanna cry for no reason in particular.
target quit date - 2 weeks from today
8 smokes today, 1 more before bed
i've been moody lately. i've been feelin like life is ok but my head is spinnin from exessive processing. i haven't been able to sleep. i'm not quite depressed but slippin into somethin a little darker, a little more alone space needed - this has never been a good sign - but things change, we'll see...
my dad got hit by a car a coupla days ago. he's ok but i can't seem to quell this naggin feelin of impending doom. too much...poor dad. this has caused abnormal chains of communication between my brother and myself. i almost feel like i have a brother again. it's strange and it puts me on gaurd. there r things too close to heart and too painful to recount in such an impersonal and public forum that i can never forgive him for. but times like these, when i feel myself slippin, when i almost trust him again, scare the shit outta me.
*quivers*
i went to see my dad the next day - he was happy to see me and he showed me his stitches - he kinda grinned and said much like a kie "i broke my head" (it was really cute in chinese). my mom told me that he was really grumpy till i went to see him. pressure. i feel like i don't go see him enough. i feel like a shit.
mental note: be better
yet another receptionist has started at my work. she's 22. i suddenly feel very old and freakishly reminded of how timid i was at 22 and starting my first office job. boy, have things ever changed...i'm a better person.
it's one of those nights, i need to curl up with me kitties and listen to songs that make me wanna cry for no reason in particular.
posted by tunabelly at 10:52 p.m.
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