STRANGE TO BE HERE

Got into calgary this afternoon. I feel like I'm in a sleepy little town. I can't believe how quickly I get home sick and boy, do I ever hate flying!

My parents came over sunday and they all thought my brother and myself weren't gonna be here till tomorrow. We thought it'd be a nice surprise but it took us all day to tracK 'em down.

About 6 hrs after landing we found them @ my dad's sister's place. She answered the door and looked @ me like I was a crazy person - she told me she thought I was selling something and almost said "we don't want any" I don't know why I assumed she would recognize me. The first comment about me was "my, how fat u've gotten." And ppl wonder why I have such a fucked up self image. Why can't I get away from that? I've just lost 5 lbs and was feelin pretty darn good - now, I'm starting to feel guilty about eating! This is bad - I've never felt guilty eating. Not exercising enough - yes. Not being healthy - yes. Eating - never ever.

After dinner my aunt showed me some old pictures she had. The oldest picture we have of my dad was taken 32 yrs ago when my parents first got married. Tonight I saw, for the first time, my dad @ 18. The picture's like 70 yrs old! I didn't recognize him at all. In the picture he was young and stalky. My brother and I had no idea my dad was so big when he was younger. The picture was taken the first day he arrived in Fiji. He fled there when Japan invaded China and stayed there until he married my mom about 30 yrs later.

It struck me as odd that we've never known our dad to be young - he's always been ancient. If my aunt hadn't pointed him out, I woulda skipped right over the picture. Turns out, my brother is a spittin image of dad. We had no idea - it's always been this great mystery that my brother and I look so much alike yet we didn't look like either of our parents. Strangers used to stop me on the street to ask if I knew my brother. The resemblance is that hard to miss.

The real gem I found in the photos tho was a a huge family photo of my dad's exteneded family. My dad's family is so old, I've never really had the chance to meet them. the picture was really old. I think that it was taken with one of those old boxes with a black curtain drapped over it and u hafta duck under the curtain to take the picture. The picture was off center - quite a bit of space on the right side and some ppl on the left were cut right out. I don't think the person who took the picture could actually see what he was photographing.

It was somebody's wedding. My dad wasn't in the pict but he says he remembers that he was about 8 or 9. I was breathless - this picture was like 80 yrs old! There were about 50 ppl in the pict and tucked way in the back was my grandfather. This was big! Up until today I had no clue what he looked like. This is the only picture I've ever seen of him. I cried. He was so handsome and statelly. I've always described my dad as stately but really he's not when compared to his father. I can't stop lookin at these pictures - I can't even articulate how much just seeing them means to me. I'm feelin terribly sentimental and I feel so blessed to have such a rich history and to finally know.

I also got a new toy before I came out. My cell phone broke in half and I needed another one lickity split and so I finally took the plunge and went blackberry. I love this thing! I can't believe how much I've written! Mind u, I'm pretty bored. Everything here is closed, no tv, no internet, no cats - this is the only thing I have right now that resembles anything familiar.

I guess it's time to tuck in but I'm not tired yet, I'm still an hour behind. Thank god I brought a good book. I don't remember the last time I had a chance to read. This will be nice.

Tomorrow: less-a-tax shoppin and a B-B-Q in our honour with just the young folk. I don't believe we've ever done that before. This'll be the first time we've all gotten together as adults.

These are the nights I will always be thankful for.