DEPRESSION

what is it about this hour and me? i've been having trouble sleeping all week. i don't want to do anything. i drag my ass around all day just waiting for it end and then at night i can't sleep.

there's something about the quiet and me.

i was looking at some old some old posts and have come to the conclusion that i am manic. i've always had a problem with depression but i never thought i was manicly so. manic depression is signified by extreme emotions. extreme ups and extreme downs. i've never thought of myself as an extremely happy person. i was a pretty angsty teen. but i've just realized how easily moved to giddiness i am and oh how i come crashing down at the smallest thing.

gill mentioned to me today that i have no middle ground - and she would know. i can't think of any other friend i spend more time with. working full-time with someone does that. does anyone ever find middle ground? is it really just me?

it's been a long fight wrought with shame and denial. it's the monster i closed my eyes to and pretended it was all make believe. i get blue, who doesn't? but i don't really get blue. one day i'm so happy you would swear i had woodland creatures following me around, the next i'm all about the doom and gloom.

blogging has only proved how manic i am.

after all these years, i'm still afraid of the monster in my closet.

lame.